Even though a healthy relationship should be about give and take, in some relationships, selfishness reigns supreme. If your spouse seems forever concerned only about himself and his own interests, his self-centred ways could put quite a strain on your union. While overcoming this natural tendency to be a selfish person isn’t something that you can do overnight, with the effort you may be able to make him more aware of his selfish ways and perhaps even encourage him to change.
- Tell Your Selfish Spouse How You Feel
- Write Your Mate A Note And Be A Better Person
- Practice Compromise For A Healthy Marriage
- Evaluate Such Behaviours And Your Partner's Feelings
- Make good changes in your married life
- Learn To Lose The Judgment Is An Important Step
- Insist Upon Counselling For A Happy Life
- How To Live With A Selfish Mate In A Selfish Marriage
- Figure Out Your Boundaries Is The Best Thing But Hard Work
- Talk To Your Mate About The Bothersome Behaviors You Have Noted
- Avoiding Too Much Interaction Is Maybe The Best Way
- Seek A Way Out If Conditions Do Not Improve
Tell Your Selfish Spouse How You Feel
Even if you feel your mate’s selfishness is incredibly apparent, selfish people may not see this. Instead of assuming that your selfish man knows that his behaviour is selfish, make your feelings clear. Avoid name-calling when expressing your feelings, but instead, focus on simply telling him how you feel and how his lack of attention to your feelings is hurting you emotionally.
Write Your Mate A Note And Be A Better Person
If you struggle with words when speaking to your mate about complex issues is a big deal such as selfishness face-to-face, express yourself through writing. Compose a letter in which you explain your concerns. By presenting your ideas in written form, you may be able to make it appear less like you are attacking him.
Practice Compromise For A Healthy Marriage
For your spouse to be less selfish, he will need to compromise in a committed relationship. Start to require compromises for little things, such as selecting a restaurant next time you go out on a dinner date, to get your spouse used to the idea. By starting small, you can make the transition from the act of selfishness to accommodation a bit less taxing.
Evaluate Such Behaviours And Your Partner’s Feelings
You can’t learn how to be unselfish in love if you do not first recognize the negative behaviours in yourself. So, you need to determine the things you are doing that are selfish so that you can make the changes you need to make to your own behaviour. If you aren’t doing well with determining your behavior problems, then ask your spouse, or the person you are in a relationship with to help you come up with some of the things that you do that are selfish. If you want to do a self-evaluation then consider specific situations, and how you respond to a major problem.
For example, when it is dinner time, do you fix what you want, or do you ask the family what sounds good to them? When your husband comes home in a bad mood, do you let it make you in a bad mood because he did not ask after your day, or do you stay happy?
Make good changes in your married life
After you evaluate your self-focused behaviours, it is time to make some positive changes. Write down the selfish behaviour, and then write down the change you want to make. You then should write down the steps you need to take toward reaching that goal at the end of the day.
Examples May Include The Following:
- Usually wants your way. Learn how to compromise.
- Wants instant gratification. Learns to be patient, and postpone immediate gratification for future goals.
- Gets pouty when things don’t go your way, and gets temperamental. Learns to control emotion and be even-tempered.
- Depends on others to be happy. Can be independently happy, regardless of what others do.
- Acts impulsively. Learns to think before acting.
- Is not dependable. Learns to follow through and can be counted on.
- Resists authority and advice. Learns to seek advice from those that can give it.
Learn To Lose The Judgment Is An Important Step
Part of being unselfish in love is learning how to lose judgment and the conditions that you put on people. For example, do not put conditions on your love, such as “If they treat me right” or “If they let me sleep in.” Etc. You either love someone or you don’t. You can’t be unselfish in love if you put conditions on it, or make someone fit your ideas of what is appropriate or good, to receive your love.
Insist Upon Counselling For A Happy Life
If your best efforts prove fruitless, counselling and professional help may be necessary. If you simply can’t live with your marriage as it stands, demand that your mate goes to counselling with you. Although making this demand will likely not be an easy thing to do, it is easier than continuing to exist in a situation in which you are unhappy.
How To Live With A Selfish Mate In A Selfish Marriage
Living with a selfish partner is difficult, uncomfortable, and upsetting. While you are in a relationship with this person, you may feel trapped in a living situation that you cannot change for now. A selfish mate may demand that he gets his way, manipulate you into doing what he wants, or control every aspect of your living situation. While it is difficult to know what to do, there are a few things you can do that make a living with a selfish spouse easier.
Figure Out Your Boundaries Is The Best Thing But Hard Work
Figuring out what exactly your mate is doing that is driving you crazy will help you determine boundaries for your living situation. If she always wants the T.V. on but you need peace to sleep, make a note of this. If she always wants to dictate what is for dinner and how the money gets spent, write this down, too. Writing it out will help clear your mind and sort your thoughts when it comes to what you are struggling with.
Talk To Your Mate About The Bothersome Behaviors You Have Noted
After you have written down what it is your mate is doing that is stressing you, talk to him about it. Oftentimes communication will solve many problems and break many barriers. Since your mate is selfish, stand up for your rights and let him know that his behaviour is not acceptable. Exercising your right to boundaries and limitations will demonstrate your assertiveness and may change the way your mate looks at you.
Avoiding Too Much Interaction Is Maybe The Best Way
Being around your selfish mate may be dragging you down and wearing you out. Go out of your way to avoid being around her too often. This may mean having a designated escape, such as a friend who can pick you up at any time, or a place to go where you can be alone. Too much contact with your mate may complicate the problem unnecessarily.
Seek A Way Out If Conditions Do Not Improve
If you have talked to your mate and he still does not want to listen to you or change his behaviour, seek a way out. This may be difficult or even impossible, but if your mate will not consider your feelings and change his ways, you are left with a dead-end relationship. If you have any very close friends, explain your situation and see if any of them would be willing to let you stay with them for a while. You may also want to stay with a family member until you find a permanent solution and your place to live.
Love is a great feeling and one of the first things we all seek, and something we need in our lives, but often we are a bit selfish in our love. Selfishness and love do not mix. So, if you want to have a healthy intimate relationship, and experience loves the way you should, then consider the above tips.
If you can learn to do these acts of appreciation, you will have unselfish love that will last for a long time. Selfless love means opening up your heart and learning to be a unit, rather than fulfilling your own needs, and desires, rather than those of the people around you.